I have always wanted to be a nurse. When I was little I read books about Florence Nightingale and Clara Barton. I set my sights on being a nurse and started my career as a Candy Striper, graduated to a Nurse's Aide, and now I have been an RN for 27 years! I can't believe it's been that long and I feel old when my pt's ask me how long I have been a nurse. Their typical response,"You don't look that old!". I don't know if they say that because it's true or they don't want me to feel bad about it. Either way, I love what I do, most days.
Yesterday I had to drag myself from my nice warm bed, kiss the boys goodbye as they slept, and drive the 1 1/2hrs to work by 7a.m.. I work in a large teaching hospital and I wouldn't have it any other way. There is so much to learn and new ideas regarding medicine, diagnostics, and treatment that you cannot find in those small country hospitals. The pay is a little nicer than those small hospitals offer also. Anyway......
Some days I go through my work and I am just glad the day is over. There are days, and this was one of them, that I leave work knowing I have made a difference in the lives of my patients. That this was my calling and that God had orchestrated these people into my life as a nurse. Nothing unusual happened, but my patients were taken care of and improving after 12 hours. They were grateful and content with their day's accomplishments. My prayer for them is to get well and return home to the one's they love. I always hope that they will walk a little closer to Jesus through their experiences.
This assurance at the end of one of these days is so important to me. But I don't realize it until that feeling hits me. You see my father thinks that I should go into the hospitals, lay my hands on the sick people, and have God heal them all. He doesn't understand what I do. He thinks it is a waste of time and that the doctors are in it just for the money. These ideas are so pervasive in the male side of my family (excluding my little brother) that my one brother wasn't even sure what I did. I was talking about working in the Electrophysiology Lab and shocking a patient out of a lethal rhythm. He looked at me wide eyed and asked, " You do that? I didn't know that is the kind of nurse you are!". I am not sure what he thought I did, but I have a feeling it included bedpans somewhere.
So how do I reconcile the fact that my father thinks that what I do is worthless? My heart aches when he talks like this. I doubt myself and what I do as a nurse, is it of any value? How does this happen? After 27 years my dad can make one comment and I fall off the deep end. I not only fall off the deep end but I don't even try to hang on to the cliff, or call for help, or fight back! What is worse, my sons listen to this entire conversation and realize that I am not standing up for myself. When did I lose my voice?
Yesterday was one of the days that I knew God called me to be a nurse. That I am right where I am supposed to be. My job may not be glamorous but I am very good at what I do and it's not because of anything that I have done. It is because of who God has made me to be. He has shown me compassion, mercy, and grace under difficult circumstances. I have had some hard life lessons but they have made me who I am today. If God's grace had not been there I know I would be a bitter Nurse Ratched! HA!
He has shown me how to listen to my patient's, what they are saying behind the words I hear. What their fears are, their hopes, and their struggles. I know how to comfort them with words and actions. I know how much my support means to them, even if they can't say it. I have learned that sometimes people are mean and snap at me because they are trying to hold onto some kind of normalcy while their world spins out of control.
So as I left work yesterday, He reminded me that His eyes were upon me. That He was capable and willing to lead me on this path of ever expanding knowing and doing. He is good. The funny thing is, I always thought God would teach me things in a quick, clear spectacular manner. But He doesn't, He has perfect timing. He teaches me in ways that are usual and intricate. He peels away the layers of my understanding and reassembles it in my mind. He is transforming me and this makes me so happy.
I loved being a nurse yesterday! When I gave report to the oncoming young nurse whose inexperience and lack of knowledge would have irritated me in days gone by, I took the time to talk to her about how to care for her patients. Instead of being brash and dismissing her I educated her how to be better at what she does. To my surprise she was soaking it all up like a sponge.
Yes, it was a good day. I love being a nurse. God in His infinite wisdom placed that desire in me a long time ago and I am thankful for that.
Now, what I am going to do with my dad and those interactions??? I know God will show me how to figure that one out. I have a feeling those layers go deep and I trust, in His timing, they will be peeled away.
For today, I am content living with Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment